with my head in the clouds

Parts of today's devotion that struck me the most.

"...Because we're all human beings, we'll never be free from the weight of guilt. It's there to remind us when we fall short of God's standards... He doesn't delight in watching us squirm. He makes it very clear that he wants to remove the burden from our shoulders and give rest to the weary. 

...our response to guilt can either drive us further from God or bring us closer to him...He asks only that we admit our need and that we trust in him with the load."

Scripture

Let us come boldy to the throne of our gracious God. There we will receive his mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it most. —Hebrews 4:16

This is what the Lord says: 

"A voice is heard in Ramah, mourning and great weeping, Rachel weeping for her children and refusing to be comforted, because her children are no more." —Jeremiah 31:25

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. —Matthew 11:28

In retrospect, my reaction to the guilt I felt from submitting to the temptations of a wild college life—drinking, partying, procrastinating (well, that's not excluded to college), boys, skipping classes, basically skipping whole marking periods, laziness, irresponsibility with academic life in general (I mean, I'm a student for goodness sake, so studying is my main damn priority...), and the list goes on— was to tell myself I don't deserve to attend Sunday services, sitting side by side with my fellow classmates who felt, to me, like role model Christian students. They worked hard, they sacrificed time for self-indulgence to commit to weekly Life Group, to study; they chose to surround themselves not with the people who had every tab on the wild parties for the weekend, but with those who would keep them accountable; I felt guilty because I knew maintaining an image our younger brothers and sisters can look up to didn't come all too easily, so why should I have deserved the same mercy and grace that they received? I mean, who was I to be able to call myself a Christian? I couldn't go to church on Sunday knowing I'd party uncontrollably the next Friday and Saturday. Sigh. Like a frog in an increasingly warm pot of water, my walk with God slowly wore away. But, more importantly, falling deep proved I need to seek him with more desire and passion than I would have imagined giving, imagined capable. 

And now I let go of the things I want to do and I want to become and place my complete faith in God, for "it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose" (Philippians 2:13).

I'm excited!