Monday, July 16, 2018

Screwtake Letters Excerpt

My dear Wormwood, 

Obviously you are making excellent progress. My only fear is lest in attempting to hurry the patient you awaken him to a sense of his real position. He must not be allowed to suspect that he is now, however slowly, heading right away from the sun on a line which will carry him into the cold and dark of utmost space. 

………….

You no longer need a good book, which he really likes, to keep him from his prayers or his work or his sleep; a column of advertisements in yesterday’s paper will do. You can make him waste his time not only in conversation he enjoys with people whom he likes, but in conversations with those he cares nothing about on subjects that bore him. You can make him do nothing at all for long periods. You can keep him up late at night, not roistering, but starting at a dead fire in a cold room. 

All the healthy and out-going activities which we want him to avoid can be inhibited and nothing given in return, so that at least he may say, as one of my own patients said on his arrival down here (Hell), ‘I now see that I spent most of my life in doing neither what I ought nor what I liked.’ The Christians describe the Enemy(God) as one ‘without whom Nothing is strong’. And Nothing is very strong: strong enough to steal away a man’s best years not in sweet sins but in a dreary flickering of the mind over it knows not what and knows not why, in the gratification of curiosities so feeble that the man is only half aware of them, in drumming of fingers and kicking of heels, in whistling tunes that he does not like, or in the long, dim labyrinth of reveries that have not even lust or ambition to give them a relish, but which, once chance association has started them, the creature is too weak and fuddled to shake off. 

You will say that these are very small sins; and doubtless, like all young tempters, you are anxious to be able to report spectacular wickedness. But do remember, the only thing that matters is the extent to which you separate the man from the Enemy. It does not matter how small the sins are provided that their cumulative effect is to edge the man away from the Light and out into the Nothing.

Murder is no better than cards if cards can do the trick. Indeed the safest road to Hell is the gradual one—the gentle slope, soft underfoot, without sudden turnings, without milestones, without signposts. 

Your affectionate uncle
Screwtape
 

Friday, May 26, 2017

John Cassidy, College Calculus

But when motivation is missing, when people come into the system without believing that what goes on in it really matters, it’s hard to transform minds.

Thursday, April 6, 2017

Empty

empty
Clouded thoughts
Focus run amok
Drowning
Scantly surviving each day
Week
Month
Chaotic core
Civil war inside
Fear
Anxiety
Self-doubt
Hesitation
Uncertainty

Ruling my life
My heart
My drowning heart

Please help God
Have mercy on me
I'm so scared
Running from place to place looking for any semblance of security, stability

Thursday, March 23, 2017

오랜만인

회의감
두려움
self-doubt
공포
daunting
impending ruin

wallowing in self-pity?

guilt-ridden



remorse.

I'm so sorry Mom and Dad

I wish I were better
I've failed and disappointed you both so many times


학생이면
학생답게

해야할일을
성실하게

딴생각 말고

또렷한 목표를 갖고

또렷한 목표를 향해

달려야하는건데



뭐하는 짓이 지

졸업하고 어쩔라고

후회하려고?

후회하려고, 정말

뭐하니

윤호야



왜 정신을 못 차리니

자신이 너무 밉다

Sunday, July 24, 2016

아직도

아직도 팔슨스 가서 패션디자인 공부를 본격적으로 하고싶다. 애타게.
이건 영원히 묻지 못할 욕구, calling, 인가봐.
너무나 마음에 불을타게하는 desire.

Tuesday, July 19, 2016

Lists

Well, I've always made lists—Ithink many people do, actually, as there are books dedicated simply to lists— and I because I always misplace them and end up writing a new ones, I thought this post would be an alright place to keep all of my lists.

Places I Want to Travel:
Italy
Greece
Spain
Japan (perhaps a month or two, as well)
Hong Kong
Shanghai
London (I wouldn't mind living here, actually)
Paris/ France/versailles (maybe for two months- or at least a month, with a French friend so I can experience not just the tourist areas but experience-albeit a tiny bit-of French life.
Istanbul
French riviera
Netherlands (this is where my culture scale/values fit with the most)
Switzerland
California... First to visit friends, and next to experience Cali life, so perhaps a month or two, well (Maybe I should just devote three years to experience living in other countries haha).
Martha's Vineyard (I want to know what the hype is about!!)

So I guess backpacking through Europe is something I should highly consider...


Books:
Oh man.. This one I'll have to keep coming back to, for sure.
I don't know what it is but I've always had a thing for wanting to tackle challenging (either by content or length, or maybe both) works of literature. Maybe it's kind of like my tendency to desire watching pretentious French films that I don't really understand haha

7 Habits- NF
Never Eat Alone- NF
Moab Is My Washpot- NF (autibiography)
Boundaries
Middlesex
Alone Together- NF
Brothers Karamazov

Challenges-
War & Peace
Everything on Oprah's Book Club
The Republic