Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Why did I have to meet him? Or like him..
I don't regret meeting him, the things we've been through,
I went up again and now I'm down

It's cold. .

I guess he really doesn't like me. It was just a crush thing, an infatuation thing
Haven't talked in two days
and I'm guessing he hasn't thought about me. .
not that he should, because,, it's good that he's spending time with his girlfriend
but at the same time


all those words he fed me
like empty calories


Monday, April 18, 2011

Devotions. Perfect timing.

When troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing. James 1:2-4

"When you grow up in a society that pioneered such things as instant messaging, instant pudding, Minute Rice, freeways, and fast-food restaurants, waiting does not come easy. If you must wait longer than thirty seconds for a Big Mac, you start glancing at your watch in agitation. And when later you develop indigestion, you grab an instant solution from the nearest medicine chest.
  In this "aspirin age" of ours, we've also come to expect instant solutions to our personal pressures and daily trials. We don't want to struggle with our problems; we'd prefer to catapult over them. We want to smile and feel happy and say "Praise the Lord!" a lot. So we attend all kinds of Bible studies, victory rallies, youth camps, super Sunday seminars, and revival meetings to discover the spiritual key and the hidden verse that will help us combat "what's wrong" in our lives.
  Yet, what's wrong is that we want answers--NOW! And if our youth pastor or minister can't provide them, we'll hop to another church to get the spiritual "fix" that hopefully-- for another hour, day, or week- will numb the panic and pressure we feel about school, work, personal relationships, our future, or our families.
  The daily frustrations we want off our backs are the very things James says we not only ought to endure but endure joyfully. The joy comes from knowing that the difficulties we face help us grow up spiritually. In other words, negative experiences can produce positive results. The lives of Joseph, Sarah, Job, Daniel, and Paul from the Bible all attest to this.
  I like to think of these experiences as pearls. Pearls don't just happen. To begin with, a grain of sand imbeds itself in the soft inner folds of an oyster, which in turn soothes the irritant with a rich body fluid. In time, and plenty of it, that fluid forms a smooth, hard surface-- a pearl.
  And so it is with us: God is at work in our lives, turning our biggest irritants into priceless, one-of-a-kind gems. It's a time-consuming process that can't be rushed."

From The One Year Alive Devotions for Students by Rich Christian


Tuesday, April 12, 2011

I have given you an example to follow. Do as I have done to you. -John 13:15

This feeling shudders me, frightens me, infuriates me to the core, and I seem unable to shake it. When friends start to seemingly distance themselves, seemingly with intention, and seemingly avoid your confrontation. The situation leaves me with a slight distaste on my tongue, and more than anything, anyone, I blame my puerile and annoyingly, consistently, dependent personality for having caused, for causing, the slow and seeming disappearance of these people I had once so relied on, so seemingly knew. Then again, seeming marks every seeming step companions seemingly take with intention to erase their once seeming existence.

Paranoid? Or do these conclusions simply put those in perspective.

I'm afraid. I don't want to lose people. I don't want friends to walk away from my life cold turkey. Seemingly. I love these friends. I love them to death, and their seeming abandonment aligns with having my emotions torn, mind boggled, with a beggar aimlessly digging and picking for crumbs amid cobblestone walkways, with searching for water in a draught, like having my heart ripped out and carelessly thrown into the depths of some indiscriminate river.

Thrown away.

I have given you an example to follow. Do as I have done to you. -John 13:15 

ㅅㅂ.... 혼자서 술미신지 오래 됏내.. 하
아직도 죽고싶어
언제 이 생각이 없어져?

Sunday, April 3, 2011


Things seemed strange to me. This past year, especially these past few months, fashion ceased to interest me, at least not as strongly as the clothes, lines, colors, numbers used to tug at my most internal needs, making me yearn to live, sleep, breathe fashion. Thank goodness for these newly discovered #fashiontumblrstofollow. Refreshing once again. Oh and forgive me, vocabulary lacks like no other momentarily. Anyways, looking at how my frenemies/rivals have gone forward and basically snatched my dream from me further motivates me to go further, yet. I need to get out of here. I need Parsons. Or RISD. Whichever. I need Art school. University of Michigan is not for me, not now, not ever. How long I've betrayed myself and imprisoned myself with my pathetically wishy-washy behavior. Nothing matters. Only Parsons.

New (yet refreshingly reminiscent) list.

1. 105 lbs
2. Ripped jeans
3. Pumps
4. Portfolio