너

미워미워미워미워미워

Hmmmm

I need to start reading more often. My staying in Korea (though only a mere month has passed), and the resulting zero-use of English besides on Facebook, Tumblr, Twitter, and Blogger, has seemingly diminished (you see, I had to search "improve" on Thesaurus.com and find the antonym to improve) my English skills, depth of vocabulary and resultantly my writing abilities. Shameful. A shamble! Nonsense.

Anyhow, I need to get myself together. My life hangs on a cliff right now: Failure again versus Getting back on my feet. 

Trust in God and only in Him. He has a plan for you, so just drop every selfish intention and desire, and simply WORK HARD. Working hard only for God, only to please him and to make him proud, shall motivate you, shall only be what you desire!

So. Don't be a lazy slob. Pray seek work play sleep~! ^^

And on my behalf I'd like to apologize to myself for this post's the extremely corny, self-motivational nature. But it can't be helped. I keep inching closer and closer to the bottom, at a rate that soon I may even* fall past the bottom, only to trap and bury myself well into the earth's core. COOL. 

NOT. 

*ugh grammar all weird

So, here's your plan of attack. 

6 AM Wake up 

Wash

Breakfast (fruits and eggs)

QT (Reading New Testament-straight)

~7:30 AM Gym for 30 minutes

Shower

~8:30 AM Read for an hour

~9:30 Walk to library (take something to eat)

Work, work, work!

(In this case: essays, school things, job search!)

~9 PM Play

~10 PM Walk home

11 PM Sleep

Weight loss:

1. Limit intake to 1000 calories

2. No breads, pastas, etc.

Senior year- a reminder:

December- 140 lbs

April- 126 lbs

June- 120 lbs

September- 105 lbs

Goal (beginning of the month):

April '11- 132 lbs

May- 128 lbs; -2 lbs/week

July- 120 lbs; -2 lbs/ week

August- 110 lbs; -1 lb/ week

September- 105 lbs; -1 lb/ week

October- 100 lbs; -1 lb/ week

November- 95 lbs: SUCCESS! :) 

Follow through, take responsibility for your words to be someone trustworthy. 

하나님..
왜이렇게 힘들어요.....
재가 잘못햇어요.. 근대.. 진짜.. 못견딜 정도로 힘들어요
잘돼는게 하나두 없구.. ㅅㅂ
왜이렇게 전 사람들마다 몽땅 실망만 시킬까요..
그냥 죽어버리면 않돼요
차라리 울 부모님에게 더이상 피헤 안주기위헤..
앞으로 더 큰일 저지르기 전에
냥 사라저 버려야 할것 같아요

재발
도와주새요...

Oh Iris Apfel

From Debbie's Tumblr.

01. weird things you do when you’re alone: wear my mom's clothes and pose in the mirror and attempt to dance like im hot stuff like hot sexy kpop girl idols
02. how have you changed in the past two years? motivation passion hope faith excitement- gone.
03. what kind of person attracts you- charismatic, handsome, well-groomed and well-dressed, boyish, sweet
04. what you wear to bed- boyfriend tee and undies
05. 5 things that irritate you about the opposite/same sex- hm. i can't generalize. sometimes some girls can get a bit catty; seriously annoying.
06. The person you like and why you like him: he's charismatic, handsome, well-groomed and well-dressed, boyish, sweet, caring
07. your opinion on cheating on people- it's unfair
08. something you’re currently worrying about- life's pretty much at stake
09. your last kiss- sigh.
10. your views on drugs and alcohol- bad, and bad. but the latter i enjoy.
11. your current relationship, if single discuss how single life is- lonely ig, but i'd rather wait for the right person judging from my past four relationships.
12. things you want to say to an ex- 1. you're a nice guy, i was a b to you. 2. you are a dick. 3. yeah.. we should have only ever been friends. 4. i miss you, i wish we couldve gotten closer as friends. maybe i even regret breaking up with you at all.
13. a date you would love to go on- to a hidden lake at night. hm it didnt sound as creepy in my head.
14. something disgusting you do- fart
15. the best thing to happen to you this week- made new friends, went to the coffee shop, girl talk.
16. 3 things you are proud of about your personality- pretty nice/loving, 털털해, not a catty bitch. most the time
17. things that make you scared- failure, looking like a joke, being someone that others can't take seriously. kind of like my life right now.
18. disrespecting parents- grow the fuck up
19. something that never fails to make you feel better- m'boyyyy, debbie, hanfish, and b2st youtube videos. and whose line is it anyway.
20. the last argument you had- was useless and annoying.
21. something you can’t seem to get over- this guy. and that my life is a failure at the moment.

My stomach aches, I want to throw up, I wish to bury myself in loose clothes and my warm, soft, comfortable bed with a cup of earl gray and the television turned to Fashion N or O'live playing 여배우 하우스 or 내마음이 들리니; I want to scream from the agony and pain my inability to pour out eloquent phrases and brilliant, tastefully organized ideas gives me right now; this cold library and dreary, wet weather drains the energy out of me on top of the motion sickness the third floor view of the highway's ongoing traffic outside gives me. FUCKING A. AND THIS COFFEE MAKES ME SICK.

Psalm 51:10

Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me. 

>< !!!!!!! Doojoon!!!!!!! ♡♡♡♡♡♡

What happens when I brainstorm.

2nd grade in America, back from Korea and again lacking in language skills compared to my peers; I wanted to fit in. Every week a student in the class made a poster dedicated to him/herself, and tied to the poster’s bottom hung the implicitly obligatory row of candy bars, glistening against the ceiling’s fluorescent lighting, the students quietly anticipating the presenter’s conclusion so at long last the awaiting mob can rip the snickers off the poster and melt under its chocolate, sugary satisfaction.


Carried away with my love for over dramatizing everything to its very last detail.


Smh.

A Bit of Cannes

Of course ADR. Always and forever.

Courtney Love은 마음에 썩 안들지만. Must give credit for the outstanding gown.

I think being in Korea with no friends is making me desperate for human contact from people other than my parents and their church friends.

I hate writing essays yet I love it.

I love the Fashion N channel in Korea!
Anyways... I went to church today where I unfortunately had to overcome my fear of going into the youth/college service instead of just sticking safely next to my parents for the adult service and while I can't say much about the service itself, the small bible study afterwards made me think about reading my devotionals again.

I left my devotionals in America.

Some people align with gnats you can never rid of.

But does it matter? Their annoyance deems the whole pack insignificant.

Things to get

1. Chanel 2.55
2. Gold watch
3. DSLR
4. white Nikes

왜 일주일재 연락이 없을까...보고싶어, 예기하고싶어.. 예전처럼 밤에 갗이 그냥 차아네서 담배피면서 쉬고싶어.. 바쁘나봐? 바쁜거겟지

담배 땡겨...

ugly
ugly
ugly
fat
fat
fat
fugly.

so pretty
goal