But even so, every now and then I would feel a violent stab of loneliness. The very water I drink, the very air I breathe, would feel like long, sharp needles. The pages of a book in my hands would take on the threatening metallic gleam of razor blades. I could hear the roots of loneliness creeping through me when the world was hushed at four o'clock in the morning.


Stabs, and stabs, and stab after bottomless stab. 


And then he filled my void for a while
only to be wrenched free
a gash now widened, 
frayed
raw

또찔린다

밥이않넘어가내

그렇지

어떡해 넘어가

아모것도 않넘어가

근대 괜찮아

괜찮아, 희생자가 될수있고 이겨낼수있고

이겨낼꺼야. 인생이주는 어려움은 간단한 손애 뿐이야

겪어내면서 배우면서 앞많보면서 계속뛰는거야

하나님은 반드시 겪어낼수있는 힘듦을 주신다

Rambles.

So many thoughts and priorities and goals fill my head right now it overwhelms me. Feeling helpless. "Don't feel sorry for yourself, only assholes do that." —Norwegian Wood, Haruki Murakami. Help. 

My blog posts are so depressing

i am pmsing, so fuck off, im gonna rant about whatever the fuck i want

so many mixed emotions right now... i felt like i was on such a roll, finally startin to get my self together in the last few days i stayed in the states.. that i would be able to come back and continue going at that rate, but who was i kidding? none of it was me, none of that diligence was me. you cant even call it diligen e. and now that im back to where i left off, i feel so imbalanced, something is terribly off, and im trying to resume what god had so graciously given me in those last few days of my visit. that seeming taste of working towards my success efficiently, one after another without stopping to take a breath, the exhiliration. but now im back, and ive become haughty because i felt so exhiliratingly like i was finally runnind towarss success, and i didnt want anything in the way, but it was foolish to think in such a way, because that precious little taste that god had given me... he's snatched it away. no, no no no no no no, it is absolutely certain that ive simply opened my eyes to the simple reality of my utter and inarguable mental incapability. there are too. many. thoughts forming a pathetic useless clusterfuck and everything especially my own pathetic stupidity is just pissing me the fuck off.

just FUCK.ME. I NEED TO GET OUT OF THIS PATHETIC HOLLOW SHELL AND EXCUSE OF A HUMAN BEING HE CALLS HIS PRECIOUS DAUGHTER. ARGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! I AM A FUCKING WASTE OF SPACE UGHHHH KWNDNKWKWJDJDKSIDJDKKD.

End. Fucking. Rant. Let my pmsing do the apologizing if anyone uselessly takes offense, but actually, I'd rather just say, gtfo then.

My good, very influential friend is submerging... I'm so sad :(

a wise man once said..
i like to surround myself with people from whom i can learn
people that i aspire to emulate

jinseok
greg
hyorim- relax a bit, dont freak out about everything
deborah- life
yang- what it means to be a friend
to be continued...