with my head in the clouds

나...
끝이없내
진심
have some guts
---------------------
someone infatuates me
and
i want to infatuate someone
but.. i'm so pathetic
i mean
i mean
just look inside my head
its just
i mean why do i insist on being so normal? 
i want to infatuate, too
but you don't like standing out
you feel awkward, small, foolish

just
i feel like everytime i go on citralopram and let loose again and socialize and have fun
i look completely cheap, like i don't know the meaning of sitting down and reflecting on my life thus far or what not
and so i want to step back, retreat into my haven of a few close companions, lots of time alone to brood and feed off of photography and art and fashion and literature, to tell the world hey look, i'm not some hollow, shallow party girl. i have interests, i think. to be that shy, mysterious girl once again
so i do step back, but sober, i feel awkward again. i take a look at the "normal," "undepressed," "nonanxious," "social" people perfectly normally socializing around me and i stab myself for letting the citralopram leave my bloodstream without a trace.

what the fuck is wrong with me, seriously?

what is not wrong with me

i should just start with getting down to 45kg
christ
is there anyone more pathetic than i am