with my head in the clouds

for the first time in a long time, i want to kill myself. wrap myself in my blanket and jump off my balcony. maybe not mine, but a few floors above mine, just to be safe. submerge myself in the bathtub with a knife in hand. step in front of an oncoming train. maybe even hang myself, even though it takes a painful while.
i need more wine. more intoxication. six shots of soju... what the fuck? its disgusting, the lack of lack of control i have.

cut?  scratch?